This is the fourth and last article in the series written by Jeremy to mark the anniversary of 26 years wrongly convicted and 27 years wrongly imprisoned.
“My hopes for the future have evolved considerably
during my time in prison simply because I never thought I would stay in jail.
But I can’t help thinking about all the things I might do when I am free.
I used to think I would like to travel a lot or have a farm somewhere like
Australia or New Zealand. The many friends I have had over the years have often
led me to think about doing things I’d never thought about before like skiing
or surfboarding. I’ve thought about having a little Chateau in France with a
vineyard or spending time by the sea. The nearest I have been to the beach
recently was when I called a friend on a mobile phone and I could hear waves of
the sea lapping on the beach where he was, it stirred up happy memories.
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Now I
just think about living an ordinary, uncomplicated life with simple pleasures
and enjoying the company of good friends. I want to visit the supermarket and
choose from an abundance of foods, walk freely about this beautiful country and
picnic in the sunset on a summer’s day. I want the the freedom of choice to go to live music concerts, football
matches, the theatre, cycling or just staying in, cooking a nice meal and lounging on the sofa with
a glass of wine and listening to music.
Other prisoners have visits from their family and
while I have lots of friends, the thing I miss the most is my family. Losing them has been more difficult to bear than 27 years of wrongful imprisonment.
Our families are always there for us no matter what, they transcend time that
friends or lovers lose when they might come and go but family is permanent and
consistent. Many miscarriage of justice cases have family to fight for them,
support and love them. I will keep fighting to prove my innocence and clear the
name of my family which was portrayed as "dysfunctional" simply
by the stigma of Sheila’s mental illness.
When I think about what life might have been like
had I not lost my family so tragically and come to jail, I imagine my parents
growing older and when I speak to friends whose parents are becoming ill and
infirm with age, some living into their late eighties and nineties, I feel
cheated that I’ve not had all of those years to share and all that time to care.
I never got to see my Dad retire or my Mum continue with her work for the WI
and Church. I often wonder what it would have been like for my parents to see
Sheila’s boys grow up and have children themselves; there would have
been another joy for them being great-grandparents as many older people
are today. I wonder what my parents would have made of modern farming. I
often think of how things might have been for Sheila if her mental health had
been managed properly and we had known how to support her, she could have gone
on to marry again if her condition was improved.
I think about what might have become of my own
life, one can only guess but I know I would have continued with farming which
has always been my passion, and I feel sad that modern farming continues to
struggle through financial troubles. I worry that wildlife in the
countryside is on the decline owing to modern pesticides brought about by new
ways of farming. I often wonder if I would have done more travelling before settling down I
certainly felt I would like to return to Australia. I consider the things that
might have been and the things that will be. I have been denied my own family
life, a partner and fatherhood. I didn’t imagine being single at 51 of course
but in the future I feel a sense of excitement and exploration. It will be
strange to start with but I will embrace and enjoy every moment of my liberty.
I want to ramble through the countryside and return to farming in a small way.
I want someone to share my life with and all of the simple things, perhaps a
country dweller, someone who is in tune with the seasons. I want to do all of
the caring and loving that the condition of imprisonment denies me.”
I just want to be free.
